yes. One of my favorite quotes, and it goes perfectly with my guiding words for 2014... emerge and held.

birthing and blooming.

I'm feeling the blossoming under my feet. There is a palpable energy in the air that whispers in my ears and tickles my cheeks. There is no denying that it's there, my hub even feels it. It's electric, and exciting, and inviting all at once. And yet....I notice there are moments of resistance. I can feel my heels digging in, trying to grow roots here in the soil where they are now. I notice the places where I feel pulled forward, and remember that my roots are wherever I am, not just where my heels begin their dig. I remember that because I feel still or motionless in one moment...it does not mean that I am stuck, or not making forward strides. I know that these moments come and go. Sometimes I do feel stuck. Sometimes I do feel like I'm not DOing enough to get me to where I want to be. Sometimes I catch myself wishing to be somewhere other than where I am. And sometimes I allow it all to wash over me. I feel it, I sit in it, and I welcome the lessons in it. For the last two days, amidst the forward motion in my life, I clearly see that I am fighting what I'm feeling. And if I sit quietly, right where I am...I can acknowledge that this is a cycle, a story...it's fear presenting itself like a blooming flower. Because if I allow this surge of energy, and the calling of rebirth...if I finally step out into the big wide beautiful world....I face the truth of flight or fall. And I wonder how many times I have faced this before? In this lifetime and in others. How many times have I gone through this cycle and moved through it? And lived through the outcome, whether it was soaring or falling?

Any time I begin to do work that involves me putting myself out into the world, I go through this cycle. And in the past, my inner critic or my emotions may have convinced me that it was all too big a risk. But now, I feel the blooming regardless of the fear. I feel it in the face of it. Behind the scenes, I'm birthing a product that I hope to share by the end of the month...I'm bumping up against all my edges, and having to BE with them. The what ifs, the how to's, the perfectionism...it's all coming up. In a weirdly awesome way, it's showing me that birth is not always easy, or pretty. There are so many things that I have had am having to die to in order to transform. So much growth, and agony over the last few years. And so much beauty. As we turn the wheel toward Spring, and move out of the months of winter, I am thankful for the gifts of the last few days. I am suddenly very aware of a few things 1) my feelings, my fears 2) a sense of renewal and emergence 3) the importance of exquisite self care, and 4) my desire to show up for myself.

In this very moment I know that no matter what I feel or do (or don't do)...there is nothing that will stop the perfection of all that is about to happen to me. So I commit to show up, to take care of myself, to commune with my inner Queen, and deeply honor the process of birthing and of blooming.

trust in magic.

If I don't write about trust right now, then I would be lying about where I am. In life. In love. In it all. It's all I've got right now, it's the thread that I'm holding onto because if I don't, I'm not sure what will happen....There's that tiny space where you actually have to choose between love and fear. It's a sliver of a space, because at any moment you can slip one way or the other with just a thought. My word for 2012 is Magic, and while it's been a very magic filled year in many ways, it makes me wonder if Trust may have truly been my word of the year. It has been permeating every area of my life. It's helped me to dig deep...to ask the big questions like ~ what can I trust? And there. With that question I catch my breath, it holds so much wisdom. Do you know that my answer could never be  n o t h i n g. Because while I am fearful at times, needing work & money to pay the bills...Can I actually say that I trust Nothing? I can't. Because if I trust nothing, then I am not seeing a clear picture of what's happened in my life to this point.

I trust the love of my man, my dog, my close friends, my Mom, my Grandma. I trust that I have always been taken care of in one way or another, even if it wasn't always my version of perfect. I trust the beauty & power of the Ocean, and of the Moon. I trust my intuition, and in my passion to grow that gift. I trust that tonight I have a roof over my head. I trust that today I have running water. I trust in my ability to create ~ art, sacred spaces, food, writing, a beautiful life. I trust that in this moment I am ok. I trust that it's alright for me to be learning to let others handle their own feelings, worries, stresses. I trust that I can communicate with guides, and unseen friends who are here to help guide me, if I let them. I trust that today I have electricity which allows me to sit here and tap away on my laptop. I trust that I have leftovers in the fridge to eat for dinner tonight. I trust that I can have a conversation with my partner about our fears, and that we can be honest that some of those fears are more closely tied to story, than reality.  :::::  I could go on, because there is so much more.... Do you see the gift of that one little question?

It's here in this sliver  of space that I choose to TRUST (over and over and over) what I have, what I know & don't know, and where I'm going. At the end of this post, I'm so deeply feeling the connection of the two words. And I think know you just witnessed me being lead to this place - You can trust in magic. Now all I need to do is remember to get out of the way.

The ride, the journey, the tide.