Wednesday, March 20, 2013

birthing and blooming.


I'm feeling the blossoming under my feet. There is a palpable energy in the air that whispers in my ears and tickles my cheeks. There is no denying that it's there, my hub even feels it. It's electric, and exciting, and inviting all at once. And yet....I notice there are moments of resistance. I can feel my heels digging in, trying to grow roots here in the soil where they are now. I notice the places where I feel pulled forward, and remember that my roots are wherever I am, not just where my heels begin their dig. I remember that because I feel still or motionless in one moment...it does not mean that I am stuck, or not making forward strides. I know that these moments come and go. Sometimes I do feel stuck. Sometimes I do feel like I'm not DOing enough to get me to where I want to be. Sometimes I catch myself wishing to be somewhere other than where I am. And sometimes I allow it all to wash over me. I feel it, I sit in it, and I welcome the lessons in it. For the last two days, amidst the forward motion in my life, I clearly see that I am fighting what I'm feeling. And if I sit quietly, right where I am...I can acknowledge that this is a cycle, a story...it's fear presenting itself like a blooming flower. Because if I allow this surge of energy, and the calling of rebirth...if I finally step out into the big wide beautiful world....I face the truth of flight or fall. And I wonder how many times I have faced this before? In this lifetime and in others. How many times have I gone through this cycle and moved through it? And lived through the outcome, whether it was soaring or falling?

Any time I begin to do work that involves me putting myself out into the world, I go through this cycle. And in the past, my inner critic or my emotions may have convinced me that it was all too big a risk. But now, I feel the blooming regardless of the fear. I feel it in the face of it. Behind the scenes, I'm birthing a product that I hope to share by the end of the month...I'm bumping up against all my edges, and having to BE with them. The what ifs, the how to's, the perfectionism...it's all coming up. In a weirdly awesome way, it's showing me that birth is not always easy, or pretty. There are so many things that I have had am having to die to in order to transform. So much growth, and agony over the last few years. And so much beauty. As we turn the wheel toward Spring, and move out of the months of winter, I am thankful for the gifts of the last few days. I am suddenly very aware of a few things 1) my feelings, my fears 2) a sense of renewal and emergence 3) the importance of exquisite self care, and 4) my desire to show up for myself.

In this very moment I know that no matter what I feel or do (or don't do)...there is nothing that will stop the perfection of all that is about to happen to me. So I commit to show up, to take care of myself, to commune with my inner Queen, and deeply honor the process of birthing and of blooming.

1 comment:

  1. Oh I have full confidence in you and what you are birthing. Dream big!

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